Dating in your 30s hits different.
Im sorry to say it, but it just does.
Its not because your face suddenly starts to sag and you wake up covered in scales.
Photo: Courtesy Everett Collection
Nor is it because coupled-up friends start looking at you with sad eyes.
Its none of the cliched things, actually.
I had nobody and nothing on the go; the roster was completely clear.
And let me tell you: It felt fantastic.
Gone are the insecurities that kept us tolerating flakiness and mixed messages, thinking we deserved no better.
We simply move on, taking comfort in the knowledge they werent right for us.
(This happened recently to a friend.)
Im not saying its perfect.
But lets venture to be optimistic for once.
Dont date for the plot.
This is something I did a lot in my 20s.
The thing is, it gets old fast.
It doesnt serve you in the long-run to treat dating with such flippancy.
I went for the plot.
I left with a midday hangover.
Ask people what theyre looking for immediatelyand listen to them.
None of this beating around the bush in fear of scaring someone away.
And if that freaks them out, good riddance.
Are they looking for something casual?
Thats great: you’re able to decide if thats something youre up for.
If theyre unsure, thats where you’ve got the option to run into trouble.
As the old adage goes: If they like you, youll know.
If they dont, youll feel confused.
Dont let anyone waste your time because theyre still figuring themselves out.
Dont date actors.
To all the actors Ive loved before: like dont take this one personally.
Youre all great, really.
Its best I dont expand on this one too much.
Non-actors: Youll thank me later.
Dont let your dating life be the only thing you talk about.
Its like thats my entire personality to them, she sighed.
But I think putting on the single show is a trap all of us can fall into.
Coupled up or not, all of us are so much more than our love lives.
Be patient with people.
The ick has gone too far.
Have fun on your own.
Its important not to see singlehood as a waiting room.
You dont need a partner to go on that trip or eat at that restaurant.
Try it and cherish every moment.
Be careful how you talk about the people youre dating.
The narrative you create around someone youre dating will stick, so choose your words carefully.
Question the story youre telling yourself.
Ive wasted hours needlessly agonizing over the behavior of men Ive dated.
He didnt reply to my messages all day?
He didnt watch my Instagram Story within the hour?
Hes on the Eurostar, about to propose to the 24-year-old woman hes been secretly dating this entire time.
Hes running 20 minutes late and my texts arent delivering?
He died and his wife terminated his phone contract.
This is nothing more than insecurity paired with an over-active imagination.
Dont let it get the better of you.
Instead, take a deep breath, go to therapy, and maybe consider writing a novel.
Focus on choosing rather than being chosen.
I made a lot of bad decisions that year.
Dont put someone who delivers the bare minimum on a pedestal.
Just because someone isnt a raging narcissist doesnt mean theyre your future spouse.
The first good egg you date after a series of terrible experiences could well be a lovely person.
In other words: Dont start looking at wedding venues because someone asked you a few questions.
And, finally, take your own advice
I really should do this more.
