Should I stop my birth control?
Am I emotionally prepared for the potential hurdles associated with adoption or fostering?
Where will we live?Who will watch my kid while I work?
Photo: HBO
Could I ever see myself walking down the aisle in a white dress?
Could I envision a swollen pregnant belly?
After that, I thought adoption would be my parenthood journey, which Im still open to.
It clicked, so to say.
I knew I was going to have my traditional AF ideal of family fulfilled with another woman.
We got married, found stability moving near family, and were both ready to start a family.
At that time I was struggling financially, overwhelmed with work and addicted to cigarettes.
I had started smoking socially but ended up smoking a pack a day, often while I was working.
I tried a few times to quit unsuccessfully.
I started using a nicotine patch and quit soon after that.
I was surprised by how motivating that was.
I didnt think about a father or a marriage I just knew I wanted to be a Mom.
I love our relationship and watching her grow.
I was adopted and had and have a complicated relationship with family and parents.
I wanted to change that too.
I feel that I am.
Something to be proud of.
I was hoping to know, but it never really happened that way.
I also have PCOS and was told I would have fertility issues so that was always a looming threat.
It happened right away, my first cycle.
I still think I would have been okay without kids and I’m okay with my kid.
Tom, 35: I knew I wanted kids when I met my gay friends babies.
It made an idea real in my mind, a vague dream immediately tangible.
As their kids get older I think of them as future friends.
I’m starting the fertility process next month.
Marcelle, 35: I always knew I wanted to be a mother.
But Im also bisexual, so I spent my 20s and early 30s in queer relationships.
(Yes, even among cis guys.)
We both dated around before, so it didnt feel like we were missing out by being monogamous.
When were in queer company together, we do feel this unspoken tension around how were both perceived.
And though its alienating to him…
I just dont care!
I have a great community.
And I want a baby more than I want to be queer enough, or sexually available to others.
I might even consider surrogacy?
I dont really care to see my DNA passed on, but my husband is dying to.
Like, it makes my skin crawl to even think about being pregnant.
Other people being pregnant, great, beautiful, if they love it, I love it for them.
Might throw up just thinking about it.
I was maybe 26 when I realized I also never wanted to raise a person.
The responsibility of it is simply so huge, it’s staggering, I absolutely don’t want it.
Being around another person even a couple hours a day is extremely bad for my emotional regulation.
And I know exactly how non-ideal having a parent who struggles with emotional regulation is.
It was supposed to be a heartwarming story of love and sacrifice, but I was enraged.
How dare she deprive children in need of access to the help they could have had?
Im 45 and I regret nothing.
I get to do exactly what I want to do!
In fact, I desperately wanted children.
Then, my dad died.
I could feel it in my bones that he wouldnt survive that long.
I simply could not imagine raising my babies without him.
And layered on top of it all isGeorge Floyds murder.
I could not imagine raising a Black child here and without my dad.
I didnt feel what they had experienced by having children to be a joyful rewarding experience for me.
I also never felt that anything was missing in my life by not having children.
It was exactly the opposite.
I felt free and and excited by the possibilities of not having children in my future.
The last step was discarding my frozen eggs.
