When it comes to affairs of the heart, we are all beginners.
Some of us, however, at least speak with authority.
Contact her atDearShonVogue@gmail.comfor your own chance at enlightenment.
It’s far less stigmatized for women to speak about low self-esteem or a longing for connection than it is for men, yet evidence suggests younger men are lonelier than they have ever been.
Dear Shon,
My life is mostly going well.
But when it comes to sex and relationships, Im just a complete disaster.
And my anxieties because of this are making this even worse.
At 26, Ive never had a relationship.
Every attempt Ive made to form any connection with a woman has resulted in rejection.
Ive had a tiny amount of hookups but nothing more.
And its honestly tearing me apart.
Sometimes I feel like Im better off just not dating at all.
I enjoy other parts of life most of the time.
But when I come home at night, I just feel constant loneliness and desperation.
Sometimes I feel like Ive missed out on my 20s and will be alone my whole life.
(I noticed your letter mentions all three.)
I am telling you this to emphasize that youre not aloneso many other guys feel similar to you.
But you may feel very alone because of how little men talk about this stuff.
First of all, I want to remind you that 26 is very young.
I know plenty of people who have not had a relationship at 26.
I know some who havent at 36!
Theres always a stick you could find to beat yourself with, if youre so inclined.
My point is that you oughta untether your sense of your own value from your personal dating history.
You describe yourself as very unattractive.
Many women are looking for more than conventional good looks.
But you have got to work on the desperation you describe because desperation is often palpable and deeply off-putting.
Some bad news:Rejectionis part of dating for everyone.
you better accept that it happens to the best of us.
it’s crucial that you work out what works best for you in terms of meeting people.
Do your hobbies and passions bring you into contact with new people?
Focus on becoming a well-rounded person rather than finding a partner.
Do you have women friends who you connect with on a platonic level?
), and her no has saved you time and energy.
