Well, nothated.I was like,thisaint it, she says.
Its as good an outfit as any for writing the next page of the rest of your life.
Bottega Veneta jacket and pants.
ALONE IN A CROWD“I just was very lonely for many years, and I’m not interested in that anymore,” says Eilish. Bottega Veneta jacket and pants. Make Heads Turn at Wolf & Badger brooch.
Make Heads Turn at Wolf & Badger brooch.
Eilish has been directing her own music videos for the past five years.
Ive kind of proven myself as a director, she shrugs.
IN FOCUS“She has a really disciplined way of existing on tour,” says Finneas. Burberry shirt and pants. Church’s shoes.
(Eilish has been pursued by obsessive fansand worsefor years.)
Eilish is a little wiped out, reclining under an electric heating pad for period cramps.
Her Oreos are in the freezer.
SELF REFLECTION“I got famous at 13 and suddenly had to live a really weird life,” says Eilish. Bottega Veneta jacket.
(This is not a euphemismshe is a particular fan of the cookie frozen.)
Her band can be heard practicing next door.
But first lets rewind a little.
That the children both grew up to be musicians is not entirely a surprise.
But Eilish did not actually intend to be a singer.
She learned music theory from the Los Angeles Childrens Chorus, but she really loved dance.
BLACK MIRRORMoschino shirt. Thom Browne tie. Binata Millinery flower brooch. Make Heads Turn at Wolf & Badger letter brooches.
When a growth plate injury in her hip sidelined her at age 13, she leaned into music.
A die-hard teen following amassed quickly: Eilish was relatable (making songs in her bedroom!)
and real (she had zits and a snaggletooth!)
PLAYING DRESS-UP“We’re all little kids growing up and learning ourselves,” says Eilish. Gucci coat. Acne Studios checkered coat. Brooks Brothers shirt. Another Tomorrow pants.
and sort of reachable (she wasveryonline!
), and she sang about the same issues that preoccupied her fans, like anxiety and addiction.
I wish no one knew anything about my sexuality or anything about my dating life.
I never felt like a singer.
Ive never had that as my identity, Eilish tells me.
But things have changed.
In the past two years or so, she has started taking lessons with a vocal coach.
The truth is that literally thelove of my lifeis singing.
She smiles, aware of the sentiments corniness, anathema to her generation, but unapologetic in her earnestness.
Eilish has been learning a lot lately.
But this time Baird and Finneas wont be on the bus, or at every single show.
Its sort of our going off to college year, I guess, Baird says.
Finneas, who at four years older was the first to leave the nest, uses the same analogy.
IN FOCUSShe has a really disciplined way of existing on tour, says Finneas.
Burberry shirt and pants.
No, but I get the picture.
Thats me, Im the dog.
Onstage she jumps and thrashes and struts and skips.
I am literally sprinting all over the stage when performing, she says.
As a result, her tour looks prioritize flexibility over fashion.
(The most important element is the sports bra, she says.
He describes entire days when his first glimpse of her was a fist-bump on her way to the stage.
She has a really disciplined way of existing on tour.
She sleeps through the day to ensure that shes rested for the show.
She does hours of physical therapy.
She does hours of vocal warm-ups.
Fun would be good.
Ever since she was a preteen performer, Eilish has been deeply determined to be taken seriously.
The hard-to-comprehend sacrifice for the professional child is that you dont really get to be a kid.
Youve experienced so much (paychecks!
I was so unhappy, and so joyless…. Whats most remarkable about Eilish might be that shes still at it.
Ive basically been in pain since I was nine.
She has said that for years she felt like she was at war with her body.
Growing up, Id always hear people be like, Just wait until youre older!
Youre going to have so much pain!
And I remember being so furious.
There is also the particular kind of isolation only someone at the bodyguarded dead center of thousands can feel.
Ive had some really dark times on tour, Eilish tells me.
For a long time I was kind of living like it was temporary.
Like, yeah, Im touring for now and its kind of unpleasant, and whatever.
Itll be over, she says.
And the truth is, its the rest of my life.
SELF REFLECTIONI got famous at 13 and suddenly had to live a really weird life, says Eilish.
If that sounds like resignation, it isnt.
Its closer to optimism, the kind that comes with experience and education.
I didnt realize that I could make touring enjoyable.
I just was very lonely for many years, and Im not interested in that anymore.
I want to enjoy the show as well as my days.
What thatll mean, exactly, is anyones guess.
(Maybe acting, she says later: I really secretly love it.)
Its just that I dont really know a lot of recipes.
I definitely am like,Oh my God, I deserve this meal.
Thatsall of music, she says, like she still cant believe it.
Thats literally all of the musicin the world.
(And over 105 million monthly listeners on Spotify, to be precise.)
A lot of my fans are going to be able to vote for the first time.
So Im like, Do you like freedom?
For many years, the audience reaction was the only thing that mattered.
If I was happy in my life, it was because people loved me on the internet.
And if I was upset in my life, it was usually because people didnt.
Ive learned to not base my life around that, she says now.
Shes not totally offline, of course, or by any means impervious to outside opinion.
(Find a 22-year-old who is.)
There are many levels of fame, and many different times in fame.
Its a fun song, sweaty, provocative, unapologetically horny, and deeply tongue-in-cheek.
These songs, Finneas tells me, are like confessions.
Binata Millinery flower brooch.
Make Heads Turn at Wolf & Badger letter brooches.
(I love them so much.
I love them as people.
Im attracted to them as people.)
Shortly after, anotherVarietyreporter asked whether shed intended to come out.
No, I didnt, Eilish responded at the time.
But I kind of thought, Wasnt it obvious?
Today she wishes shed been a little less glib.
I wish no one knew anything about my sexuality or anything about my dating life.
Ever, ever,ever, she declares, with visible frustration.
And I hope that they never will again.
And Im never talking about my sexuality ever again.
And Im never talking about who Im dating ever again.
Thats so unnatural, she says.
Shes going to make decisions that evolve and dont always line up perfectly.
Were allbabies.Were all little kids growing up and learning ourselves.
I need small doses of that.
Ill have one of those experiences maybe once a month.
That many people and that many cameras on you’re free to be a lot, she concedes.
But that night I was so happy.
One thing about adulthood: Its not always fun!
From the embers of caring-is-cringey brat summer risesdont-let-democracy-die fall.
I have that same kind of feeling: Im one person, I cant make any change.
But the truth is, we can all make change.
And I have this platform and Im going to use it.
What issues are important to her this time around?
She gestures with both of her palms up, like,here you go.Really big fan of human rights.
Really big fan of womens rights and womens reproductive rights and social justice and gun laws.
A lot of my fans are going to be able to vote for the first time.
So Im like, Do you like freedom?
She pauses to consider the candidates.
Would be really amazing.
I would love to feel safe as a woman in my country.
PLAYING DRESS-UPWere all little kids growing up and learning ourselves, says Eilish.
Acne Studios checkered coat.
But hey, Birds of a Feather officially exceeded 1 billion streams on Spotify alone today.
And, as every college student knows, what is adulthood for if not setting your own schedule?
(As she told me earlier, Pre-tour is just rehearsals, rehearsals, rehearsals like a motherfucker.)
Performing in the round is a first for her, and something shes always wanted to do.
Im a musician and youd think I wouldve done that.
But things blew up for me at an age when I wouldve been jamming with buddies.
And because it was my career, I was not interested, she said.
So for the first time ever, Im jamming, and its amazing.
Its exactly where you hope shell stay.
The November issue is here featuring Billie Eilish.
