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The past year has brought many headlines aboutpolyamory: Are You Ready for Polyamory?
Photo: Igor Ustynskyy/Getty
Is Polyamory the Future?
The Dos and Donts of Polyamorous Relationships.
While polyamory has been around for many decades, it is, undeniably, having a moment.
Arecent study on sexual fantasiesamong those in monogamous relationships found that almost one third fantasized about opening theirs up.
Me, Im not among them.
And I cant help but wonder: Am I alone in my desire for less desire?
No Sex, Mo Problems?
Being overconnected has also led to a significant intimate disconnect.
This decline could parallel a decrease in sexual coercion and an increased understanding of consent.
Our libidos are no exception.
Synthetic hormones (in birth control pills and SSRIs) may sometimes also have a ripple effect on libido.
But hormonal fluctuations impact everyone differently.
Postmenopause many women often feel not a dip but a surge.
Their ability to have sex without pregnancy risk helps them feel more sexually free, adds Dr. Herbenick.
The newsreel, more broadly, and the fear and anxiety it stokes have an impact.
Rest assured that a scroll through Instagram has literally never made me horny.
And it can often work in another way for people with a partner.
Relationship dynamics can impact sexual satisfaction in many ways, says Dr. Mersy.
Feeling disconnected or not cared for can decrease desire for partnered sex.
That same Match survey found that 11% of participants reported being stressed or anxious during sex.
Falling Into the Comparison Trap
Everybody else is doing it, so why arent you?
(Writer breathes a sigh of relief.)
Sexual-health professionals like Dr. Herbenick and Dr. Mersy emphasize that it should be about quality, not quantity.
Is Sex Wellness?
According to Dr. Toubi, we should be thinking about sex as one part of our overall wellness ritual.
This is why, says Dr. Toubi, regular sexual activity has been linked with longevity.
So does that mean Im doomed to die young if I dont start doing it more?
Its not unusual to have weeks, months, or even years without partnered sex, says Dr. Herbenick.
Everyone has their own rhythm.
And sometimes, adds Dr. Toubi, that rhythm is a solo performance.
One of my patients is a 90-year-old woman who is still having regular sex with herself, she says.
You may be your best partner.
