Until I had amissed miscarriage, I didnt know it was possible to miss one.
I didnt know a drop in symptoms could be a sign that the pregnancy was failing.
As long as I wasnt seeing blood in my underwear, I reasoned that everything was OK.
Photo: Getty Images
I went to my pregnancy scan, confidently, alone.
There was no heartbeat.
I learned the pregnancy had ceased weeks ago but my uterus was still holding onto it.
It would, of course, have to end somehow.
Its a personal choice, they said.
I wasnt sure which option to choose because I didnt want any of them.
I read over my options time and again, as though one might suddenly become appealing.
They offer guidance and tools to navigate the physical and emotional toll of pregnancy loss.
We should have access to doula care for those births too.
Like Cartrette, many miscarriage doulas have experienced miscarriages themselves, creating a kinship between client and doula.
On Monday, five days after the scan, it was uncomfortable but not unbearable.
By Tuesday I was losing so much blood I could barely get off the bathroom floor.
The specialist told me it was good news, the product of conception has passed.
Is that all this amounted to, a product of conception?
Discharged from the hospital, I was in a fog of morphine.
As it cleared I began to question how I would move forward.
What did I do wrong?
What should I tell my friends?
When will I retry?ShouldI even retry, if this is how it ends?
I decided to seek the help of a miscarriage doula as I searched for answers.
I connected withKatie Rose Whiting, a London-based miscarriage doula who trained under Cartrette.
Whitingwho once worked in luxury fashionarrived at this work after experiencing her first miscarriage.
(She endured a second while in training.)
We met online several weeks after my miscarriage.
The session opened with us each lighting a candle, creating a virtual cocoon between us.
Our bodies know which seeds are healthy, which are not and when the right time to blossom is.
It was an empowering take.
During our session, Whiting tells me about a process calledmicrochimerism.
They are literally with us and we are changed because of them, she observes.
She calls this process an inner winter, a time to let go and replenish.
Some of her suggestions are practical, like informing me about the UKs new government-issuedbaby-loss certificate.
Others are best filed under alternative (see: yoni steaming).
How useful you find them may depend on your openness to woo.
Her focus is on blood-building after miscarriage, for which she formulates a bespoke self-care toolkit.
Mine included foods that are rich in iron, supplements, and nettle tea.
She showed me a toolkit over Zoom.
Theyre beautifully handwritten and colorfully painted with love and intention for each client.
I ask Arden Cartrette if her work as a doula is being increasingly recognized.
Today, she regularly gets referrals from midwives and fertility specialists.
But it has taught me that my miscarriage was more than just a product of conception.
My doula taught me that it mattered.
It was here, in a microchimerism wayand in my heart.
It always will be.
