It seems like everywhere you look at the moment, theres a book detailing someones marriage falling apart.
I wanted to see what else I could be.
I can certainly understand that point of view.
Flavio Bertelli,Sunrise and sunset, 1895
Growing up, I figured out quickly that marriage was a tricky business.
It was all about the hunting, not the keeping.
People are meant to be enjoyed in small doses, she liked to say.
But I didand it started early.
The same applied to love.
But as the wedding approached, I felt panicked.
I longed to settle down but felt emotionally ill-equipped for the burdens and discomforts that came with it.
There was never any question I would leave; it was only a matter of when.
There is the possibility of love on the horizon, but nothings wrapped up in a bow.)
Nobody is more surprised about this than I am.
At times I have had to choose marriage each day in the way I imagine an addict chooses sobriety.
Now, my challenge was to stay with him.
Rob played a good long game.
Eventually, he called this out.
It makes me think youre only here temporarily.
I apologized, but the boxes didnt move.
He changed his tack: Okay, how about we tackle justonebox this weekend?
Learning to ignore that old fight-or-flight instinctto build endurance and set new neural pathwayshasnt happened on its own.
I also finally discovered how deeply comforting it is to be known by someone over time.
Rob and I have blended our families and shared in the lives of our respective children.
I could easily have missed all of that.
Some people divorce so that find themselves, and I tried that.
For others, the most radical thing you could do is stay married.
