I asked a black-masked steward to guide me out before it was even over.
A few days later, I was taking my infant for a walk in Chelsea.
We passed the towering warehouse that is home to the performance.
Courtesy ofSleep No More
I stared up at the windows, trying to marry what Id seen in there with the nondescript exterior.
I suddenly felt a need togetit.
The feeling was unusual.
Courtesy ofSleep No More
But I couldnt shake that the idea of this rabbit holecompletely unrelated to my babywas appealing.
I followedSleep No Moreand theMcKittrick Hotel on Instagram.
I started reading thededicated subreddit.
A scene fromSleep No More
And thenmy nine-week-old baby called to me, ready for another feeding, another diaper change, another nap.
I settled right back into my monotonous routine as quickly as Id briefly snapped out of it.
We bought tickets to the party and the show.
A completionist at heart, I had to attempt to see this elusive bonus material.
It was the first time since I became a parent where I truly lost myself in something.
Unlike during that first visit, Iwasntthinking about the responsibilities awaiting me, or getting back to my child.
SeeingSleep No Morewas not the first thing Id done for myself since having a child, of course.
Those hours I spent inSleep No Morewere the first time that I was fully present in somethingelse.
It gives you a freedom, a permission to submit to the world the creators have built for you.
My self-guided sessions were a tangible reminder that motherhood was not all there was to me.
That I could return to the things that brought me joy.
Soon, I found out I was pregnant with our second child.
I was now up to my sixth show, bringing along an in-utero guest.
But recently, the showannouncedit was closing after 13 years and more than 5,000 performances.
I am sure I am far from the only person who saw this extraordinary performance and felt reawakened.
I still havent accepted that after March 31, that magic will never exist again.
