We know we dont want any more children.
But I havent been able to bring myself to throw them away.
Or offer them to another couple.
Photo: Monika Kozub/Unsplash
Our embryos arent alivetheyre not children, no matter whatAlabama claims.
Could clinics in Alabama havewrongful deathor manslaughter cases on their hands if something happened to someones embryos?
Look over here, he said, and we saw a white speck floating toward my cylinder-shaped cervix.
There was nothing sexy about this moment, but it was magical nonetheless.
I walked out of the clinic that day with an embryo inside of me.
Whether or not the embryo would implant and eventually become a baby was another story.
But in that moment, I told myself I should take this step as a small victory.
I would beg the universe to make my tiny embryo grow.
After all that, it was difficult to imagine simply tossing our remaining embryos into the trash.
So, what if something happened to Clementine?
At 46, would you really want to be pregnant again?
I could tell by the way he framed the question what he thought my answer should be.
Yes, I said.
If we lost Clementineeven typing these words hurtsI would want to have another child I gave birth to.
I could see his eyes were asking: What if you were 47?
At what point would you draw the line?
I dislike drawing lines.
Somehow it seems easier to survive the fragility of life if we have five more embryos as backup.
Not that another child would replace our daughter.
But there wouldnt just be darkness.
The embryos have become my talismans.
Holding onto them means nothing can happen to Clementinewhich in turn means that discarding them could invite doom.
We are all unsure of the best path forward.
Understaffed clinics, unsafe protocols, and even human error can all spell disaster, as aBloomberg investigationfound.
Moving them to a long-term storage facility owned byReproTech?
Even though theAlabama Legislaturerecently passed legislation to protect the IVF industry, other states are up for grabs.
Will women be forced to transfer their embryos?
Will storing embryos be considered child abuse?
Or even if none of these sci-fi scenarios play out, there are other concerns.
What would happen if states limit the number of embryos that could be created through IVF?
IVF is not a perfect process, and its hard to predict.
This will drive up costs and limit how many people we can help.
And what if preimplantation genetic testing was outlawed?
Would clinics have to transfer all embryos, even those with diseases?
Would there be more high-risk pregnancies?
Ill be 47 this year.
That gives me four more years to drag my feet.
Four more years of frozen limbo.
In some twisted way, my feelings about my embryos align with Alabama lawmakers.
I dont feel comfortable discarding them.
But I want the choice to be mine.
I dont want Alabama, or Pennsylvania, or any state or entity to make that decision for me.
