It has quickly become a familiar refrain: We have never seen anything like the currentLos Angeles wildfiresbefore.
First and foremost, of course, this is felt most painfully by those who have been directly impacted.
Should you shield your children from images they perhaps cannot comprehend?
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At what age is it appropriate to expose them to tragic events that are taking place in the world?
This is true for adults.
If you are in LA, you know that getting mundane tasks done right now can feel overwhelming.
Smoke from the Palisades Fire fills the sky as seen from the Pacific Palisades neighborhood of Los Angeles on January 7, 2025.
you’re able to reassure them that they can come to you with any questions or worries.
We will have breakfast.
Essentially, listing what things we do know.
Photo: Bloomberg (Getty Images)
Its not about making sense of the tragedy; its about making space for their feelings, saysDr.
Resist the urge to explain or rationalize what happened, she advises.
Kids dont need all the answersthey need permission to feel.
Photo: MATHIEU LEWIS-ROLLAND (Getty Images)
Its not about making sense of the tragedy; its about making space for their feelings.
Im here to listen.
She is also the Director of the Columbia University Clinic for Anxiety and Related Disorders (CUCARD).
Its vital to normalize their questions and give space for them, she says.
Kids are going to ask questions no matter what age they are, says Dr. Albano.
You must be matter of fact.
Daddy or mommy is helping people be safe.
And it is honest and fine to say you dont know what will happen to your house.
Just let them know that whatever happens, you will tell them the truth.
It is important that children are not getting promises that cant be kept.
Stress, instead, whats important: You are safe and together.
They may ask for their friends, your neighbors, their school teachers.
She suggests providing, instead of vague answers and promises you cant keep, positive actions.
So if you cant reach their friends, ask, Would you like to do something for them?
That is so impactful.
Kids want to make a difference, and its a way you’re free to empower them.
Seeing others showing resilience and community too, is heartening.
It happened because there was very dry air and foliage and a lot of wind.
It can be scary hearing about it so I am here to answer any questions.
We can gather some clothes and toiletries that might be helpful for families who can’t get home.
Help them channel their worry into something tangible.
Turn anxiety into action, Dr. Montminy says.
Instead of just reassuring kids that theyre safe, help them channel their worry into something tangible.
Anxiety often stems from feeling powerless.
One way to feel better is to helphow do you think we could do that?
Its okay to not have all of the answers.
Its okay to say, I dont know.
You want to keep their trust, and making promises you cant keep or blanket statements wont help that.
Dont attempt to create false certainty to soothe your childs anxiety, says Dr. Montminy.
She advises using a when/then framework.
For example: When its safe to rebuild, then well start putting things back together.
This creates a clear structure and comforting sense of a support system, even in uncertain times.
For younger children, time is a very strange thing for them.
Their mind is in the here and now, says Dr. Albano.
Its important to consider not just age, but emotional capacity.
Keep routines consistent to give them security.
Use playlike blocks or drawingto help them process.
Theyre capable of deeper understanding but may struggle with fear.
Acknowledge their feelings: Its okay to feel worried.
Emphasize helpers: There are so many people working hard to fix things.
Dr. Albano emphasizes that teenagers will likely want to point a finger to make sense of the disaster.
Why did this happen?
Who has failed us?
They worry about these things that are, more and more, directly impacting them.
And they dont see change happening.
It is important to empower them with hope and action.
Ultimately, Dr. Albano says that parents know their kids better than anybody.
Consider any subtle changes you see in your child, and pay attention to them.
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Images are far harder to get out of our heads than conversations, Dr. Pressman says.
Dr. Montminy puts it astutely: Shield, but dont sanitize.
For children over the age of eight, if they come into contact with images, view with them.
Explain what theyve seen, and focus more so on the positive actions being taken.
Help them process the news in a healthy way, she says.
Frame what theyre seeing and discuss the context for it.
Ask them how it makes them feel, and if they have any questions about what you see.
Everything is going to be okay is a statement that can backfire on kids, according to Dr. Montminy.
While it might feel comforting in the moment, it can actually create more anxiety.
Instead, focus on honesty and connection.
Say, Things are hard right now, and its okay to feel scared.
But were in this together, and Ill always be here to keep you safe.
This approach validates their feelings and builds trust, helping them feel secure even when life feels unpredictable.
Kids dont need perfect answersthey need truthful, attuned parents who will walk with them through the unknown.
A loving and supportive caregiver, can transform [a] toxic stressor into a tolerable stressor.
A tolerable stressor can grow resilience, says Dr. Pressman.
If you require professional support, consider engaging with a child therapist who specializes in trauma.
