I feel most at home in my body when Im in a bath.
Its the one place Im free from judgment and responsibility; where I become fully embodied.
With upwards of3,000 hot spring poolsacross the country, I didnt have to travel far to find one.
Photo: Ryan McVay
All bodies are welcome here, I reassured myself.
The reason I needed that reassurance?
I was feeling particularly self-conscious having recently lost weight.
These were real bodies.
No two were the same, and the differences made them beautiful.
But what struck me most was the silence.
With each new bathing experience, I grew more confident being naked.
Turns out there is real evidence that getting naked boosts confidence.
In North America, the daily task of cleaning oneself is like a form of labor.
Here, the bathing rituals appear even more laborious and time-intensive, but feel less about vanity.
Could the same be true of public bathing in the neighboring beauty capital of Seoul?
Eight months later, I returned to my fathers native country, eager to find out.
The most noticeable difference between onsens and jjimjilbangs, though, is the vibe.
I dont think Ill ever forget my introduction to jjimjilbangs on my first solo trip to Korea.
I decided to go all out by booking a scrub treatment at theFour Seasons Seoul.
The attendant immediately got to business aggressively exfoliating my body with an abrasive towel.
It wasnt painful, but it wasnt enjoyable, so I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing.
A deep inhale alerted me to the scent of the exfoliating scrub: apricots.
The attendant was not warm or gentle, but her assertive touch felt motherly, even sensible.
Once my body felt as loose as a Betty Spaghetty doll, she finished with a facial massage.
Her hands moved so rapidly I imagined her an octopus, with many more fingers than she truly had.
The frenzied finger motions moved to my scalp, where she lathered shampoo and conditioner.
Then came the one gentle moment of the treatment in which she slowly combed the conditioner through my hair.
Immediately, the tender sensation once again made me feel I was being cared for by my late mom.
She massaged the oil into my freshly exfoliated skin and gave my arms one final stretch.
Mostly though, I noticed the quiet contentment of my mindno anxious thoughts, no body concerns.
Instead of checking, I walked away to order dinner.
