When it comes to affairs of the heart, we are all beginners.
Some of us, however, at least speak with authority.
Contact her atDearShonVogue@gmail.comfor your own chance at enlightenment.
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Dear Shon,
I came out as bisexual when I was sixteen.
I ended up deciding to use the terms gay and queer to describe myself.
The latter allowed me more flexibility to describe the complexity of my sexuality.
Recently, though, Ive been questioning my identity.
Im not even sure why this matters so much to me but it does.
How can I work out if lesbianism is right for me?
And if it is, how do I come to accept it?
Yours,
A Potential Lesbian
Dear Potential Lesbian,
Breathe!
You are in a relationship with a woman you love and who you feel committed to.
You are public about your identity and are living in a patriarchal society as an out queer woman.
Lets talk about the word lesbian.
Its a funny one, right?
Its a noun, for a start.
Lesbian is blunt and in-your-face, its not fucking around.
It was employed as a way to tell young women they were becoming women the wrong way.
However, in recent years the growing visibility of trans people has also complicated the picture a little bit.
You describe having dated someone who ultimately transitioned and became a trans man.
In response, some reactionaries within the lesbian community have attempted to define lesbian in a trans-exclusionary way.
I have lesbian friends who have become anxious that the word now has a transphobic connotation.
Or it may feel like you are boxing yourself in.
To this I would say: Dont take yourself too seriously!
Have a laugh with it!
Labels can be fun too, and you’re free to always change your mind.
In 10 years you might wake up and realize youre deeply in lust with a macho cis man.
Really, who cares?
If that happens, it happens.
No one will sue you for having used the word lesbian.
Any sexuality label is only ever a rough approximation.
True queerness is about accepting porous definitions and the inevitability of change.
Lets think about this another way.
What do youlikeabout the word lesbian?
Where is itspotentialfor fun, friendship, and connection?
