This summer I want to be a heartbreaker.
Is this coffee shop guy or theater lighting guy?
because theyve lost track of who Im dating.
Photo: Getty Images
Ive been making decent progress so far this year.
I keep stalling because its fun watching him work for it.
We spoke for about an hour, so he must have been desperate to go by the end.
So much of morphing into a heartbreaker is about aesthetics.
I used to think getting older meant looking worse, but Im realizing it means the opposite.
I know what clothes suit me now, wear jeans that actually fit.
Ive found this really good hair product that stops my bob from puffing out into a triangle.
But most of it is a question of the way you carry yourself.
Its believing thatyoure the main character.
Its confidence, taking time with what you have to say, holding your head up, eye contact.
Its not drinking so much.
Its getting closer to who you were meant to be with every year that passes.
It sounds kind of mean, and maybe it is a little.
But Im not saying that I want to mess around with people, to lead them on.
Ive been bad at texting back.
Im not talking about that stuff.
I just want options, drama.
I want guys to pay for my Ubers.
I want to get what I want more.
I want to become even more persuasive.
I want the world to revolve around me.
Maybe itisstill meansomeone always ends up disappointedbut I have my reasons.
In the past, I would have worked to change these guys opinions of me.
In fact, I did attempt to change their opinions of me at one point.
Id linger until the end of a night out, hoping wed eventually make our way towards one another.
I put them on a pedestal, valued their opinions over my own.
I was trying to prove to them how great I was so that I could believe it myself.
I realize now that I dont need their approval, that I have to get there on my own.
And, ironically, when I do, I know thats the moment theyll change their mind about me.
Then I can put myself on a pedestal and watch them scuttling around at my feet.
