When it comes to affairs of the heart, we are all beginners.
Some of us, however, at least speak with authority.
Contact her atDearShonVogue@gmail.comfor your own chance at enlightenment.
I enjoyed having a lot of guys want to date me.
I transitioned a few years ago, and I’m now living as a non-binary boy.
I look like the femme boy of my dreams growing up!
The problem is, I know the world at large finds me much less attractive.
And dating apps (other than grindr) are almost a complete dead zone.
I’m certainly not what most gay men are looking for.
And also I like how I look!
My life has changed a lot since the time I feel selectively nostalgic for.
Perhaps this is just another bit of growing up.
Nostalgic
Dear Nostalgic,
Being desired.
Its hard to be honest about what it means to us.
We repeat that it is meaningless, despite the fact that there are multi-billion dollar industries built around it.
The truth is, there are two things going on in your case.
And now youre a trans and feminine guy in gay contexts where the perceived sexual hierarchy is very different.
Secondly, you are older and this also changes how desirability works.
Being trans can mess up developmental timelines.
If so, these will need to be gently grieved.
You mention lifestyle changes like partying less in your thirties.
Give yourself some grace: transition is (quelle surprise!)
a massive adjustment and requires a huge adjustment period.
Confidence and groundedness are sexy.
This means that you areactuallyhotter now than you have ever been.
I think its about stepping into that confidence and owning it.
The right people will find that highly desirable.
