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Public break-ups have been filling our social media feeds in recent days.
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Others appear… less so.
I divorce you, I divorce you, and I Divorce you.
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The Sheikha isnt alone in choosing to publicly call out her partner.
We still think the absolute world of each other, they said.
We are still friends and will always be friends.
There isnt time for reflection, discussion, or an attempt at therapy, there is just an explosion.
Which is not to say that it cant be done.
Here, Abse explores how to approach a break-up in a respectful way.
So, what can be done to make things more amicable?
You have to shift from anger to sadness, explains Abse.
You have to enter a mourning process.
Lets be kind to each other, and lets let go.
Whats the right way to tell someone you want to split up?
Id like us to go and talk to someone.
After a few sessions, you might say: I dont think I want to go on with this.
And that shared mourning and shared narrative can be an incredibly moving thing between a couple.
What should couples make a run at avoid?
You never stop thinking about your partner.
Theyre in your mind every day in this hateful way.
Whats the main thing to remember?
What is the cost of that fight to your children?
Children recover from divorces where parents are able to consciously uncouple and mourn.
You will still have to accept losses.
You cant take aim at your partner without shrapnel hitting your children, and yourself.
You have to put all your energy into trying to find mediated solutions.
Abse talks of mutual friendships as another cost.
Friends usually devolve into their primary loyalty to one partner or another.
Do this when you have a mutually agreed path forwards.
And what happens after the split?
Gather the people who love you close.
Thats all that you’re free to do, says Abse.
What if you struggle to be nice to your ex?
Venting about your ex isnt a no-no, either.
Should you attempt to say in touch, or cut contact?
This depends on the couple in question, Abse says.
But do accept if your partner doesnt want to keep in touch.
That, again, may be painful, but thats another part of facing loss.
And should you find yourself wanting to get back together?
I would say, remember what the relationship was like before you do something, cautions Abse.
Its easy to get into rose-colored lensesdont forget that, actually, the relationship made you unhappy.
The important thing is to take your time.
You need a period of reflection before you jump straight back in.
