Products are independently selected by our editors.
We may earn an affiliate commission from links.
A way out of the darkness.
Igor Ustynskyy/Getty Images
We thought it would justworkfor us.
And then…it didnt.
And then it didnt again.
Fast forward to now, and weve been in the infertility trenches for nearly three years.
Believe it or not, Im still one of the lucky ones.
According to the World Health Organization,one in sixpeople suffer from infertility.
Keep in mind, I still havent had success yet, so my advice is not prescriptive.
With that in mind, heres all the advice I wish I had when I started.
First things first: Choose your fertility clinic (and your doctor) wisely.
Our clinic,Kofinas, is a 20-minute walk from our apartment, which has been very convenient.
Next, be sure you have a good rapport with your doctor.
Dr. Harry keeps it real, stays positive, and truly knows his stuff.
Accept that this year of your life will be dominated by the uncertainty of IVF.
Everyone talks about the hormone injection needles and the infamous butt shots, and yes, those are brutal.
They sting and cause all sorts of bruising and soreness.
But Tom Petty was right:The waitingreally is the hardest part.
For me, the biggest misery of IVF is having to live in limbo, in the in-between.
Because every step of the process is based on the success of the last stepi.e.
And my only advice is to surrender to the flow.
Now, Ive finally accepted my fate: I simply cannot plan anything in advance during this time.
So when the urge to plan creeps in, just remind yourself: Not now.
Someday, but not today.
And then focus on doing your best to enjoy the present moment.
Time may seem like its running out.
Know that you have more of it than you think.
I know thatfertility declines with age.
There is no denying that.
After all, time is real, but its also relative.
The way I see it now, Rahul and I already missed the boat on being young parents.
We also missed the boat on becoming parents at the same time as most of our college friends.
Whatever happens next is going to be on our own timeline and will be a miracle no matter what.
So now, whats a few more months?
Remember that some aspects of IVF are in your control.
A Very Important Reminder: It is not!
Infertility isan actual disease.
But remember: Im still not pregnant!
They are not going to make or break your odds of success.
(The irony is rich.)
In the end, the lesson is do what you might, but dont worry if you slip up.
The majority of this process is out of your control anyway.
have a go at stay in your own lane.
It makes all the difference.
Your friends and family may not know how to tell you theyre pregnant.
Be proactive about telling them how you want to receive the news.
My advice: Dont blame them for this (its not like we learn this stuff in school!
), and advocate for yourself instead.
However you choose to handle it, the key is to take control and be proactive.
Allow yourself time to grieve.
On a similar note, Ive also found it helpful to travel between cycles.
That perspective shift has given me the energy to keep going.
Which brings me to my final point…
Keep the hope alive.
I have endometriosis and an autoimmune system that apparently attacks my embryos…but I still have hope.
I have gone through three failed rounds of IVF…but I still have hope.
Hope is a dangerous thing during IVF.
It doesnt always translate to reality.
But sometimes it does.
Maybe its enough for you, too.
I truly believe the universe can still deliver some magic.
Maybe itll be better than we possibly couldve imagined.
