Somebody said, Damn, thats a beach read for you?!
But such mental toggling is classic Kendall Jenner.
Its kind of interesting that were wired to not think about death all the time, Jenner muses.
RAY OF LIGHTJenner marks a decade in modeling this year. Louis Vuitton bikini top.Fashion Editor: Tabitha Simmons.
And yet we dont know the concept of never-ending.
Im so bad at goodbyes.
She catches herself and starts to laugh.
FIGHTING FITJenner spars with model Kendall Lorenz. Marni minidress. Miu Miu bracelets.
What better defense against the dark than humor?
These are the thoughts that creep into my mind.
I cant let myself get too deep into them, or else I spiral.
ON GUARD“A huge thing I work on in therapy is feeling worthy of where I’m at and knowing that I can’t let what’s being said about me get in my head too much.” Balenciaga dress.
Im not going to sit here and act like everythings perfect.
Thats lifeIm always going to be in and out of those feelings.
Im a negative thinker, she says.
LIFT ME UPRabanne top and skirt.
Im always worrying about something that may never happen.
I dont see why I shouldnt be honest about it.
In my career right now I feel really stable, really hopeful.
RIDING HIGHNo activity keeps Jenner quite as present as being on a horse. “In the moment, it’s all I care about,” she says. Balenciaga dress.
But Ive had a tough two months.
I havent been myself, and my friends see it.
Im more sad than usual.
BREAK TIMEValentino Haute Couture dress.
Im way more anxious than usual.
So Im not going to sit here and act like everythings perfect.
Thats lifeIm always going to be in and out of those feelings.
OPENING CEREMONYLouis Vuitton corset. Tory Burch earrings.
Well, right now Im actually in it.
FIGHTING FITJenner spars with model Kendall Lorenz.
She knows much better than to go there.
EQUINE THERAPYBottega Veneta dress.
Lets just say its personal-life-journey stuff, she says.
Im a stresser and a control freak by nature.
Ill thank my mom for that one.
BEACH DAZEMichael Kors Collection swimsuit.
This is also kind of a transitional period for me.
Im 28 now, and I think Im in my Saturn return.
Im so tired emotionally, but I think its good.
GOLD STANDARD“I do have that impostor syndrome of, like, Wait, this is all happening tome? What did I do to deserve it?” Khaite earrings.
Its almost like Im purging something for my 30s.
If transitions sound a little bit like goodbyes, its no wonder Jenner should find herself psychically wobbly.
Then Riccardo Tisci of Givenchy called.
GOT IT COVEREDMiu Miu shirt, briefs, skirt, and bracelet.
And soon after, Chanel.
That was kind of like, What the fuck?
This is actually happening.
THROWING SHADE“I appreciate everyone who has decided to follow me”—some 294 million on Instagram—“but I also…feel so regular.” Chanel hat.
I remember the excitement and the disbelief of that time.
And from there the takeoff was really fast.
LIFT ME UPRabanne top and skirt.
Katie knew me well enough to know that I wasnt excited by the Kardashian fame, he explains.
I just wasnt, to be very honest.
I was aware of who they were.
GROUP THINKJenner, in an Hermès bathing suit, shares the rays with Lorenz, Luis Alfonso Villa, and model Ty Warner.
There was no judgment.
That show was very much about the uniformity of the cast.
Some are more about individuality and maybe exaggerating different models features and personalities.
TALL ORDERJacquemus dress. Khaite earrings.
But in this one there was this almost narcotic-like pull to the thing.
It was this army of the same person.
Kendall couldnt be Kendall Jenner at all.
MAKING A SPLASHRalph Lauren Collection dress.
It was really about anonymitywhich is kind of ironic, and that irony appeals to me.
It appealed to Jenner too because she was so eager to prove people wrong.
I think they didnt believe in me when I came into the industry.
A PLACE IN THE SUNAlaïa dress and shoes.
But I always say, I like being a pleasant surprise.
I like that motivation in a waylike, Oh, you thought?
Fashion is always shifting.
There are always new vibes and energies.
When I came into it, you didnt really see quote-unquote famous girls.
Cara Delevingne was probably the biggest one who was known outside of modeling.
She opened that door for me, and from there it blew up into a whole new thing.
Now theres another vibe coming through.
Youre seeing a lot of social media creators at the shows.
Its always just shifting and changing, and you take it day by day.
I suss out the vibe.
Does it align with me?
If it still does, great.
You dont know whats around the corner.
You will know very little about the collection.
I think thats problematic.
But this idea of a personality as a great model is just where were at.
I think Kendalls beautiful.
She wears clothes with confidence.
I think shes also super nice and charming.
There are two ways you’re free to deal with that.
I think thats the way you go with Kendall.
RIDING HIGHNo activity keeps Jenner quite as present as being on a horse.
In the moment, its all I care about, she says.
Jenner and her sister Kylie grew up in a vast blended family that included eight older half-siblings.
Watching Kylie, two years younger, move so easily among her friends was sometimes painful.
She often approached her mother complaining of difficulty breathing, and Kris found it hard to reassure her.
Doctor visits ensued, and she would invariably check out fine.
I was an emotional kid, always in my feelings and my head, she remembers.
I freaked myself out a bit.
Fashion cured her of her shyness, as she hoped it would.
I tend to get really emotional now talking about my friendships.
Im huge on the people in my life.
I love getting to know people, I love holding on to people from my past.
Im completely the opposite of the super-shy kid that I was.
BREAK TIMEValentino Haute Couture dress.
But a year or two into her modeling career, the panic attacks returned.
Air travel, that bane of those who hate to cede control, seemed to invite them.
I remember having these meltdowns on planes, she says.
They would come out of nowhere.
Its now been two years since her last panic attack.
I really respect that about her.
OPENING CEREMONYLouis Vuitton corset.
EQUINE THERAPYBottega Veneta dress.
Jenner doesnt particularly believe the hype about Kendall Jenner.
I do have that impostor syndrome of, like, Wait, this is all happening tome?
What did I do to deserve it?
Someone once told her that anxiety cannot exist in gratitude.
This clicked for her, and its something she tries to keep constantly in mind.
BEACH DAZEMichael Kors Collection swimsuit.
GOLD STANDARDI do have that impostor syndrome of, like, Wait, this is all happening tome?
What did I do to deserve it?
Thats such an important part of my wellness: recognizing those moments and saying, Stop!
Moving, getting my blood flowing.
When I say Im struggling right now, Im not doing those helpful things.
Choosing to sit in my bed and mope all day is setting myself up for failure.
Jenner believes in the interdependence of thoughts, feelings, and behavior, the classic cognitive triad of CBT.
Her trail horse, Arizona, lives in Hidden Hills near her mother and sisters.
Im huge on the people in my life.
I love getting to know people, I love holding on to people from my past.
Im completely the opposite of the super-shy kid that I was.
But theres something about the nostalgia of it.
Now Im an adult and its all my choice and I can do all this for myself.
Its like soul food for me.
I loved this as a kid.
It was something I did every day that I could.
I was obsessed, likeboys who?
I feel like my kid self when Im out there.
GOT IT COVEREDMiu Miu shirt, briefs, skirt, and bracelet.
I talk to her, like a freak.
She knows it sounds corny.
Its the same concept with riding.
Im doing it for her.
I still love it, but she just loved it so much.
Its all she cared about, and in the moment its all I care about.
There are so many big, bad, scary things to deal with when youre an adult.
I ask if shes found a way to prevent the world from ending, after all.
Kris is unabashed about her stage-mothering, and she credits James for setting her daughters early career in motion.
Kendall did Kendall, and the rest is history.
She is competing with no one but herself, she insists.
Growing up with sisters, you would think it would be the opposite, she says.
Even with my little sisterthe biggest thing we would fight over was the TV remote.
There was never that whos-better-dressed, whos-prettier thing.
It was always: Youre you, Im me.
Ive never thought of my career as a competition, and thats thanks to awesome sisters.
I really do me, and if you dont like it, thats okay.
Jenner still loves modeling, but her priorities have shifted somewhat.
(I did not see this one coming, Kris says.)
Its a privilege to be able to say no, she says.
The first 10 years went by so fast, and the second 10 will go even faster.
There are so many women who are older than me who still model at a really high level.
Mariacarla [Boscono] is fucking bomb.
Shes never looked better.
I spent a lot of time looking at her face as a kid, Jenner recalls.
She seemed so calm and collected.
I really appreciated her energy through it all.
And it feels like life outside modeling and family were really important to her.
Christy just gives good vibes.
Maybe she cared a little bit less!
I think thats really cool.
But I always am, she explains.
Even as a kid, I always have been.
There are days when I look at what they have and think, Thats really special.
I do like being a little bit removed, but one day Ill make my way, probably.
When I was young I used to say that by 27 Id love to have kids.
Now Im past that and I feel like Im still so young.
Im enjoying my kidless freedom.
How much longer will she submit to the reality show cameras?
Its not my biggest cup of tea, she admits.
And to be honest, Ive never been very comfortable filming.
I just feel Im not good at it.
Jenner has talked before about making every moment count.
A nice idea, to be sure, but one shes not convinced she believes in.
MAKING A SPLASHRalph Lauren Collection dress.
Its really real to say that not every day is a magical day, she offers.
Sometimes the reality of life is that youre just chilling.
This is something I have to remind myself.
Not every day is meant to be the party.
Some days are meant to be the chill.
A PLACE IN THE SUNAlaia dress and shoes.
The Summer issue is here featuring Kendall Jenner.
