I was standing at the kitchen counter when my body started to shake.
As I waited for her reply, I thought: I am officially losing it.
It was bound to happen.
jaimie branch
A month prior, I had lost my sister to an accidental drug overdose.
Music played for almost 12 straight hours that night in Brooklyn.
The next day, things got quieter.
The author and her child (left) with her sister jaimie.
My best friend called me back and cried at the news, my husband and mom, too.
Once again, life had slipped through my fingers.
And once again, I felt responsible and alone.
jaimie branch
Two weeks later, Imiscarried.
The hormones and physical pain accompanied by that surge of red was nothing compared to my mental state.
I took to bed.
I stopped playing with my 3-year-old daughter.
Once again, life had slipped through my fingers.
And once again, I felt responsible and alone.
The next days and weeks are still a blur.
I also somehow managed to have sex with my husband in hopes of getting pregnant again.
My sister,jaimie branch, was larger than life.
She was, asThe New York Timesrecently said, a real one.
She fought hard for her health for well over a decade.
I fought hard for her, too.
The message said that he was on retreat and doing pilgrimage in Kathmandu, Nepal.
According to them, shes in a very good place right now.
The purpose of Gilgores ceremonial offerings is to help bring jaimie to a better place.
At the time, we lived across from the Atlantic Ocean in Far Rockaway, New York.
We were making our way to the boardwalk when suddenly Sol shouted, Look, footprints!
She had just turned three and loved to play make-believe.
We asked, in animated voices, Whose footprints?
She answered, A dragon!
Lets go find him.
She ran a few steps more before stopping and pointing ahead.
Look, theres Tia!
Tia, wait up!
“Its very possible your sister was involved in the selection of this soul coming to you.
My son, Benjamin Riis Yakowicz, was born one month early.
I often catch him smirking at me.
He sleeps longer stretches when I need it most.
I swear he kisses my neck when I hug him.
Hes sweet, easyBreezy is his nickname, after jaimie, whose stage name was jaimie breezy branch.
Children are really connected to the spirit world because they just came from it.
It was a Monday night in August when jaimie died.
Sol was asleep in her crib.
Will was doing dishes in the kitchen.
I was sitting in the living room on the edge of a childrens trampoline folding clean laundry.
Will had noticed a missed call from jaimies roommate.
Thats when everything fell silent for me.
I saw Wills lips make out the words, Oh my god.
I felt his embrace.
I tasted the tears that ran down my face.
I didnt move or speak until: My mom.
I crossed the driveway and stood outside the door of her apartment.
I found her down the hall in her office.
We met in that rooms doorway, and I took her hand and looked into her eyes.
She fell to the ground.
Her head dangled as if disconnected.
She cried with her mouth open, yet I couldnt hear a whimper.
And now she was gone.
jaimies final record for Fly or Die begins and ends with the sound of a church organ.
/ Shoot, I scored.
In the last seconds of the last song onthe album, jaimie jangles a Fisher-Price bell from the 70s.
Called a Happy Apple, the wobble chime toy is red and marked with a smiley face.
