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My grandma always changed her clothes in the closet.

preventative mastectomy

“As a mom with three young kids, I came to see surgery as the most straightforward way of avoiding the chemotherapy and radiation that had battered the bodies of my family members and extending my own life.”

But I saw her scars once.

After two bouts of breast cancer, she was left with no breasts.

She wore tentlike dresses, with fabric that flowed.

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Studio Bust founder Mads Montagu-Andrews, photographing one of her UK clients.

When he was six, my brother named my moms wig Gloria.

Mom was going through chemotherapy that made her hair fall out in clumps.

I never knew my great aunt Berthie.

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Studio Bust founder Mads Montagu-Andrews, photographing one of her UK clients.

She died of breast cancer in her 30s.

For most of my life, I have been haunted by these kinds of memories.

Three years ago a cousin had a preventative mastectomy.

bronze bust

A metal bust in production.

I had no known mutationjust a very strong family history of early-onset breast cancer.

Of course, not even all women with a known mutation choose surgery.

But I wanted a more meaningful commemoration.

The company uses body-scanning technology to produce anatomically accurate statues of a womans body.

Last summer it set up at Manhattans11 Howard.

It was three years since the accident.

Shes got a huge scar from her chest all the way down her stomach.

She was like, I want to see to it its in it.

I thought about how I had no notable scars yet, just anxiety about all my future scars.

Or do I let it all loose?

Its whatever I want from this, she said.

Its me no matter what, and I should feel confident in my pose.

She scanned me four times in four different poses.

I tweaked my pose each time after looking at the rendering on Sehmis laptop.

As You Are, it turns out, meant something quite specific to me.

Id been going to the Rodin Museum in Paris since I was 16, Montagu-Andrews says.

I wanted to make the world of sculpture a little bit more accessible.

(Some male contractors strip the bronze and sand.)

The smallest non-bronze figure retails for $745.

The smallest bronze goes for $1,795.

Some people opt for freshly mixed bespoke colors, like bright reds or greens.

You definitely dont need to have this done, says Montagu-Andrews.

But I want the people who do to feel like theyve got a beautiful heirloom piece theyll love.

To date, about 64% of the companys busts are of pregnant women.

Some have opened up about their IVF journeys and how much work it took to conceive.

Clients do not always share if they are pre- or post-mastectomy, but anecdotally it seems several are.

Then in Paris, we have such a different clientele than in other places, Sehmi says.

Its nearly all women above 50.

About three months after my hotel scanning session and three-and-a-half weeks after my mastectomy, a package arrived.

I didnt think much of itprobably more fall clothing orders arriving for the kids.

When my kids returned home from school, they asked to open it.

I took a closer look and told them this was the sculpture Id said would be coming.

Is that really your body?!

And then, Is that before or after you got your surgery?

And then, Its a good way to remember!

all without taking much of a breath.

Rodin-esque, writes one.

Very powerful, writes another.

The bust looks very different from distinct vantage points.

I have all but stopped deep reflection.

I am grateful to possess a keepsake that my daughter might inherit.

The truth is I am not worried about what I still cant do.

I know Ill get there.

Or better yet, Ill go somewhere new.

The real me dances onward.