When it comes to affairs of the heart, we are all beginners.
Some of us, however, at least speak with authority.
Contact her atDearShonVogue@gmail.comfor your own chance at enlightenment.
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Dear Shon,
Ive been seeing a guy for about a month and its been going really well.
We get on great, he treats me well, and hes serious about building something long term.
However, recently he confessed that hed cheated on his ex.
He said hes learnt from his mistakes and would never do it again.
But the relationship was only two years ago, and they have been in each others lives since.
They even slept together a few times recently.
But the circumstances were premeditated and callousnot a drunken one-night stand, which I feel is more forgivable.
I thought Id finally found a good guy.
Hes really keen to continue seeing me, but understands that I need time to figure things out.
The first thing I want you to keep in mind is your own worth.
This man should have to demonstrate why he is a valuable partner beyond initial chemistry.
Its important to remember that most men are great in the beginning.
It is very easy to be charming in the first few months of dating.
Naturally, how we are treated by someone in this time is necessary to build attraction.
But for a relationship, we should always look for signs of someones character.
Disparity between someones words and their actions in dating should always be a cause for concern.
In this case, there are two issues at hand.
(Ill return to this point shortly.)
The cheating was callous and premeditated, but it was in the past.
Yes, I absolutely believe they can.
On its own, its not good enough, nor are vague sentiments of regret.
Some contrition is to be expected.
Infidelity is, above all else, cruelty.
When you cheat, you make someone elses entire life a lie.
You continue to take advantage of the emotional support of having a partner on false pretenses.
You are conning them out of time and energy.
Recklessness with another persons heart is a serious matter.
Its something that should weigh on him.
It can be a way to delude ourselves about the other persons emotional intelligence.
Look out for who he is, not who you want him to be.
Again, the only judge of whether these concerns can be quashed satisfactorily is you.
Maybe in person he will convince you.
Either way, trust your gut and what its telling you.
