It takes me under 12 minutes to lose an ornament on the Bode Christmas tree dress.
I cannot, for the life of me, tell you how I lost it so quickly.
Did you lose an earring?
The writer wearing Bode’s Christmas tree dress and a bow from Tanner Fletcher.
a waiter asked as he held a tray of martinis.
No, uh, sorryan ornament.
An ornament, I said from the floor.
Christine Baranski as Martha May Whovier inThe Grinch—my brave fellow festive dresser.
Do you know if anyone has found a small wooden bell?
I…I dont think so.
The first thing that came to mind was, Can you even wear this?
Michelle Pfeiffer as Stephanie Zinone in the critically pannedGrease 2wearing a Christmas tree dress.
The next thing that came to mind:Whowould wear this?
I knew, deep down, the answer was me.
Usually, my style is, well, pretty boring.
Photographed by kya
(I already own a pair, but you’re free to never have too many.)
What if, for one night, that could be me?
On a Thursday afternoon, it arrived at theVogueoffice.
With a quick tug, tufts of green tulle sprang free from the bag.
Someone beside me went to touch it.
Careful now, I say, like some kind of fashion Indiana Jones.
If you think the Bode Christmas tree dress looks like a costume, thats because it basically is.
I loved the medley of nostalgic ornaments and the overall volume of the costume when worn, she tellsVogue.
I refined the silhouette but preserved and elevated the original handwork details on tulle.
Retailing at $4,000, its not a dress intended for a mass audience.
Especially, I discovered, when they are drunk.
And they hadlotsof questions.
Did you lose a bet?
a man asked, his voice slurred, as he bumped into my table.
I smiled and assured him that I did not.
He looked me up and down, unconvinced, while squinting at a wooden bird.
So if youdidntlose a bet…why are you wearing this?
At this point, his friend had come over.
He was less concerned aboutwhyI was wearing it.
Instead, he wanted to knowhow.
Can you sit down in that thing?
I mumbled some vague response.
The truth, however?
I hadnt figured that last part out yet.
My butt was covered in ornaments, including large baubles and pointy wooden edges.
If I sat straight down, they went places that large baubles and pointy wooden edges should never go.
The other option was to fluff out the skirtoverthe chair.
But the delicate tulle got crammed in the back, risking damage to the dress.
Mostly, I just stood around while regretting my choice to wear high heels.
Scuse me, sorry, he said as the whole dress jingled and jostled.
Then I heard it: the now distinctive whomp of an ornament hitting the floor.
My friend Larry puts his hand on my shoulder.
I have a hot-glue gun in my apartment, he says.
I consider taking him up on it.
Except if thiswasanOceans Elevenstyle robbery, the alarm would have been set off long ago.
Sorry, it just takes me a few minutes to get in, I tell my UberX driver.
He doesnt bother to turn around.
My friend Savannah climbs in next to me.
She pulls out her phone, takes a shot, and then stares at it for several seconds.
Are you, uh, sure you want a picture of this?
Savannah asks, flashing me the screen.
After a brief look, I realize I definitely dont.
Our destination is LoveShackFancy founder Rebecca Hessel Cohens house for her holiday party.
If there wereanyplace where my outfit would be appreciated, it would be here.
Could I finallydare I say itsleigh?
Christine Baranski as Martha May Whovier inThe Grinchmy brave fellow festive dresser.
Michelle Pfeiffer as Stephanie Zinone in the critically pannedGrease 2wearing a Christmas tree dress.
Indeed, within minutes, Im the most popular girl at the party.
You look like Michelle Pfeiffer inGrease 2!
Natalie, a photographer I know, shouts over the DJ.
Another partygoer interjects: Its giving Martha May Whovier!
Bode Christmas tree dress?
Yes, yes I am.
(Another Sontag quote comes to mind: Camp sees everything in quotation marks.
Its not a lamp, but a lamp; not a woman, but a woman.
To perceive Camp in objects and persons is to understand Being-as-Playing-a-Role.
It is the farthest extension, in sensibility, of the metaphor of life as theater.)
But its getting late, and this dress is made for a good time, not a long time.
Every ornament is exactly in place.
Then I hear a small bang as something hits the ground.
And for the final time that night, I swear to the holiday heavens.
