I dont remember this being a strange or unusual thing.
Its how a lot of my friends approached sex in their teens and early 20sunless they were in relationships.
Youd go out, get completely trashed, and then go home with someone.
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Or youd message that one person after a night out that you always messaged.
Sex wasnt an intimate act, nor was it an act that required me to be fully present.
I wasnt enjoying it, exactly, but I wasntnotenjoying it, either.
It was mostly a neutral experience, like consuming a snack.
Its hard to pinpoint why I only had drunk sexit wasnt for any dark or overly deep reason.
But I wasnt necessarily in touch with the physical or emotional aspects of sexual intimacy.
So it didnt matter if I was drunk during the act, because it wasnt about the act itself.
But hey, what are your teens and early 20s for if not figuring all that stuff out?
I didnt come to this realization overnight, nor did I discover it on purpose.
I just cut down on drinking and it was an unintended side effect.
When people get sober or cut down, we often hear about the benefits.
The improved sleep, the clear skin, the better relationships, and such.
But we hear less about the impact it can have on your sex life.
And its harder to be free-wheeling and experimental with the same sort of abandon.
But the sex youdohave is vastly more satisfyingnot just physically, but mentally too.
(Is there anything more sexy than suddenly remembering what somebody did in bed?
More sexy than flat-out not remembering, anyway.)
Back when being physically intimate was new and exciting.
Making out behind Tesco.
Snogging in the back row of the cinema.
Sticking your hand in the waistband of someones jeans, but nothing else.
TV and film taught me that sex was with a man and that women should orgasm almost instantly.
That ended up not being my reality, but I had to figure that out for myselfsoberly.
Theres nothing wrong with drunk sexespecially if youre tipsy rather than, like, slurring your words.
I am not claiming to be immune to flirting over a sparkling Picante beneath some dim lights.
But if I could choose one over the other, Id choose sober sex every time.
There wouldnt even be a question.
If only Id known this sooner.
