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This is a story that spans multiple countries and years, but Im going to start inMorocco.
Photo: George Liopetas
Is it normal to bleed in possible early pregnancy?
How do I know if Im having another early miscarriage?
I was, in fact, having another early miscarriage (also known as achemical pregnancy).
Photo: George Liopetas
This is why surrogacy is a logical option for us.
Why risk the likelihood of another failed implantation with our precious embryos when there could be a success?
Fortunately, the expense was somewhat manageable too, and Im so grateful for that.
Photo: George Liopetas
To me, resorting to surrogacy simply felt like failure.
Like I hadn’t done enough to make pregnancy work in my own body.
Surely there must be a way.
Surely I had not tried hard enough to make it happen on my own.
Surely there was something else I coulddo.
Which brings me to Greece, where Rahul and I had kicked off our trip earlier in September.
If you have ever been to Greece, youve probably talked and posted alotabout that magical trip to Greece.
I was on Sifnos when I found out.
And my first thought was: How did that traveler who took our photos know?
Hed spotted the goats.
Theyre most famously seen on the side of the highway between Essaouira and Marrakech.
Id just found out I was having a chemical pregnancy, and all I wanted to do was wallow.
I got out anyway, though, if nothing else to get some fresh air.
Do you know what a baby goat is called?
Rahul asked me when we got back into the car to continue our journey to Marrakech.
I shook my head, no.
A kid, he replied.
It was the symbolism I didnt know I needed.
A metaphor for surrogacy if ever there was one.
And all at once, everything became clear: Surrogacy was indeed the answer.
Why was I trying to fight it?
Maybe this is how I will trick my mind into getting pregnant naturally.
Id heard stories of women who signed with surrogate agencies, and then poof!
They finally got pregnant on their own.
Maybe that will happen to me.
Anyone who has ever struggled with infertility knows these are the mind games we play with ourselves.
But the fact that itdidhappen to meon the most relaxing trip of all time, no lessand itstilldidnt work?
That sealed the surrogacy deal in my eyes.
I am living proof of that.
The plot points were all there!
We traveled, we drank the wine, and we relaxed in the sun.
We had a surreal church encounter with a fellow adventurer in Sifnos who somehow knew something spiritual was happening.
We are still in the beginning stages of the processits a long one.
Or a sperm donor.
Or doing more IVF than youd like to do.
And thanks to the much-needed perspective travel so often provides, I see that now.
My infertility journey has been and will continue to be a very bumpy ride.
But its okay if one of those bumpsthe baby bumpis not my own.
