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It worked like a charm, almost immediately calming my frayed nerves and queasy stomach.
Fabio Lovino/HBO
I carried the Rx bottle everywhere in case of emergency, my prescription safety blanket.
However, Benzodiazepines should not be a first line of treatment for severe anxiety, he explains.
They are also more frequently prescribed to women, due to higher rates of anxiety disorders.
Once youre in that state its harder to control yourself.
Post-birth, I experienced crippling postpartum OCD, paired with anxiety and depression.
In fact, the oppositeI was able to focus on motherhood.
I was so grateful that this combination of drugs and therapy seemed to be working.
Until it wasnt working.
Classic Lorazepam side effect.
After I finished breastfeeding, I also started drinking morethe way I did before I had kids.
I didnt like how reliant I had become on taking Lorazepam every day, so tethered to it.
I would start panicking if I couldnt fill my prescription.
Problem solved, or so I thought.
My desire to stave off the panic had become more insidious.
My psychiatrist increased my SSRI and prescribed Klonopin to help take the edge off during the tapering period.
I also started going to recovery meetings every day, which were invaluable.
On top of the physical symptoms, I felt so guilty and ashamed.
How had I let this happen as a mother?
Benzodiazepinesdidallow me to have a more functional, mentally healthy postpartum experience with my daughter.
I still go to recovery meetings sometimes.
