But as Fenwick writes in the introduction: Etiquette is based on tradition, and yet it can change.
Thismonths columnis devoted to the bachelorette partya bridal milestone that a lot of people havea lotof thoughts about.
Lets get to it.
Etiquette for the Bride to Be
First of all, which is best?
Bachelorette party or hen party?
A hen party doesnt sound much fun, in a wayit sounds like a whole load of chickens.
Illustration by Joana Avillez
In England, they call the male party a stag, which now seems weird.
The stag and hen thing is too dated, too sexist, basically.
Bachelor and bachelorette is quite nice.
Thats what people will start saying here in England eventually, because all those things drift over.
Is it the maid of honors role to plan the bachelorette celebration?
So, is it the maid of honors role?
Yes, it is her role.
Whether or not she actuallydoesit, or does it well?
Thats another question completely.
Maybe pick a maid of honor who might not be your best friend but is a really good P.A.
Thorne:Yaaas!The maid of honor should definitely plan it.
Im controlling when it comes to what were actually going to do.
But if shes not as close to you, maybe she wont know everything you want.
How involved can a bride be in the planning of her bachelorette celebration?
Sykes:Well, this probably goes back to choosing the right maid of honor, doesnt it?
If youve asked someone to arrange something for you, then you meddle, it causes tension.
It just springs up!
Thorne:I think super involved.
Super involved with lots of fun random surprises from the maid of honor.
I think its always better to be involvedbut again, controlling bride over here!
We need a country where we can smoke weed, which is why Im saying no to Ibiza.
Bella Thorne on planning her upcoming bachelorette party
Tell us about your own bachelorette parties.
Sykes:I refused to have a hen party because I thought they were so dreadful.
Would that be a fair way to do it?
Like the bride givingAWOKsto the copy!
Thorne:Well, the girls havent started planning it yet!
I love all that shit.
I think she just went to Mexico or somethingI was like, well, thats fairly easy.
A bachelorette party (one night) or a trip?
Anything in the lead-up should be the most fun, and the least exhausting, possible.
Thorne:A big moment, all the way!
I would prefer a trip.
I dont get the whole thing about going to a strip club and all that.
None of that really interests me.
So I think a weekend with lots of games sounds really fun.
Basically, I love games.
If theres any way to have games involved, Im there.
Whats the ideal length of a bachelorette trip?
Sykes:Anything longer than two nights is too long.
No one really wants to do more than a weekenda Friday night and a Saturday night is fine.
By the Sunday night, everyones completely pooped and run out of steam.
Thorne:I would say four days, four good days for the bachelorette trip.
Youll need a day and a half for the hangover.
Plum Sykes
Should the bride pay for her bachelorettes or the other way around?
I feel like its weird if its just all paid for by the bride.
Then your friends are like, signing the checks for youthat feels a little weird.
How should the bride invite her bridal party to the bachelorette party?
But in reality, a Paperless Postif you design your own templateis really, really lovely.
For the trip, a group text.
Definitely a group text.
How organized should the trip be?
Every hour accounted for?
Youll be taking a cold swim half an hour after that.
And then youll be eating some food.
And then youll be going to see a work of art.
I dont think every hour should be accounted for.
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Thorne:I think that there should be some room for flexibility.
When I watchHousewivesman, theyve got something planned every hour for their girls trips.
Im like, thatstoomuch!
Sykes:For me, its a no.
Im just too square for all of that.
I think its too embarrassing.
Thorne:Of course!
Lots of flowers, lots of penis paraphernalia.
At my moms bachelorette party that we threw for her, we did that and that was fun.
So well definitely be doing that again.
Bella Thorne
Games on the trip?
Sykes:Someone told me about a game someone played at a dinner party the other day.
A woman was so embarrassed that she got up and left the room.
I think its brilliant.
Thorne:Drinking games.
Im a big drinking game person.
An all-white wardrobe for the bride?
Sykes:I think its very pretentious and very fabulous and I think she should.
Thorne:Yes and no.
Plum Sykes
Can the bride select coordinating outfits for the bachelorettes?
Sykes:I went to one of Gwyneth Paltrows birthday parties.
I love all the community spirit.
And I love matching with my friends.
Should the bride provide goodie bags at the party?
Sykes:I think its quite sweet and it makes people feel very welcome.
And we all took that home and thought it was the most wonderful thing to keep.
Thorne:Ideally, yes, with essentials for the weekends.
Sykes:I think she should just call a spade a spade and say, I cant afford it.
Thank you for inviting me.
I love you to death, but Im not coming.
If you make an excuse while declining the invitation for a pretend reason, youll get found out.
I just think everyone should be as honest as possible.
Then you’ve got the option to grab everybody drinks or something.
There are a lot of things it’s possible for you to do to celebrate the special day still.
I think if you are pregnant, going to big parties is a disastertake it from me.
Plum Sykes
How should someone who is pregnant or doesnt drink handle the itinerary?
Sykes:Someone whos pregnant should handle the itinerary by saying, Im not going on the itinerary.
But I think if you are pregnant, going to big parties is a disastertake it from me.
Thorne:Whatever is at your discretion.
If you cant do something because itll make you nauseous, dont do it.
What should you do if you cant stand someone else on the trip or party?
Sykes:Dont mention itto anyone!
All smiles because its all about the bride.
Its not about your drama with someone else on the trip that you dont like.
Youve just got to be polite.
Its for the greater good.
Thorne:Avoid them like the plague.
Especially if youre drinking, avoid them even more.
If youre not planning the trip, do you have a say in whats on the itinerary?
If you are a vegan and theyre only gonna serve rare beef, you just dont go.
You do not have a sayget your nose out of places it doesnt belong!
you might make suggestions.
Nobody will be upset by a suggestion, just dont keep pushing it.
Dont make this day about you.
If youre a single bachelorette and you meet someone out on the trip, can you ditch the party?
Sykes:I would say absolutely yes.
You might miss Mr. or Mrs. Thorne:My God, no!
Thats asking for murder!
What makes for a good attendee for a bachelorette?
Thorne:You should strive to be supportive.
Strive to be the life of the party.
double-check that the bride has everything she needs.
Always get her a drink if she needs one or a tampon or whatever.
And just be, just be like DTPdown to party.
And always get the BTS.
