I turned to my partner.
If we had a kid, I asked hypothetically, where would we put it?
My partner looked around and then pointed down the hallway to the living room.
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I tried to imagine it.
And then another question arose in its place.
How would we do that?
My partner said what she often says, which is nearly always correct: Wed figure it out.
But thats not really my concern (plenty ofqueer couplesmanage it).
My concern is that, despite being fully grownandthen some, I just wont be adequately equipped.
What if we cant afford the nursery school fees?
(Ive heard theyre astronomical.)
What if one of us has to give up work for longer than we intended to?
Does the fact were not homeowners put us in a precarious position?
And then there are the more irrational concerns: what if the baby comes out and doesnt like me?
What if, what if, what if.
In some ways, these worries feel absurd.
My mum had me when she was a teenager.
She was a single parent, and we never had much money.
I grew up in London, where its not exactly cheap.
And look, I turned out fine.
More than fine: I love my life and treasured my upbringing.
But maybe those were different times.
Were in the midst of a major cost-of-living crisis in the UK.
Since the 90s, house prices have risen from roughlyfour to eight timesthe average national income.
None of my friends have kids, even the straight ones.
They cant afford it, or they dont feel prepared.
How would a baby fit into a sublet that doesnt even allow pets?
Nobodysready, Daisy, she said, knowingly.
I dont know, you just make it work.
And what about the actual giving birth bit?
What if my body… cant push it out?
I was clutching at straws here, but its definitely something Ive considered.
Isnt it supposed to be painful?
Like, I dont know, the most painful thing on this earth?
She glanced at me like I had actually lost the plot.
Youll be fine, she said, reminding me that women have been doing this since time immemorial.
You just get on with it, really.
And I know that, ultimately, wed figure it out.
Thats what everyone does, isnt it?
They figure it out.
And if we dont end up having a kid?
Wed figure that out too.
Its all anyone can do.
