At first, his relationship with Claire seemed innocent enough.
They were old friendslongtime colleagues, in fact.
Plus, she was married and we were happy.
Photo: EyeWolf
Or, so I thought.
Then, she got divorced and started texting him nonstop.
Wed be at dinner or at home and, like clockwork, his phone would buzz.
Sorry, hed mumble, tilting his phone towards his chest.
Shes going through a lot.
Within a few months, he began to seem distant.
He was always on his phone; always leaving the room to talk.
When I would accompany him to work events, Claire was never far away from us.
I need some advice, shed say, pulling on his arm.
Every time his phone would ring, my temperature would rise.
Then I caught him lying about seeing hertwice.
When I confronted him, hed just shrug it off.
Werefriends, hed say, rolling his eyes.
Sometimes hed get flustered: Maybeyourethe one whos interested in someone else.
By then, my trust had completely evaporatedthe whole situation was just too much.
Needless to say, we didnt last long.
What is emotional cheating?
Thats the thing about emotional cheatingit is often difficult to prove.
It usually starts off slowly and creeps in like a cloud.
It doesnt come with hotel bills or receipts for gifts; its evidence is more visceral than tangible.
It creates emotional distance and leaves the betrayed partner feeling replaced or inadequate.
This kind of intimacy is like a house of cards.
What are the signs of emotional cheating?
One persons boundary may be another persons blurred line; one couples definition offlirtingmay be anothers casual palling around.
Here are some other common signs of emotional cheating:
Another sign of emotional cheating?
Projection, as I saw.
How does emotional cheating impact a relationship?
Of course, emotional cheating can also be a slippery slope that leads straight to a full-blown affair.
But even if it never gets that far, it can still shatter hearts.
It takes attention and energy away from the primary connection, sowing seeds of disconnection, destruction, distrust.
Emotional cheating can really hurt your partner and lead to feelings of insecurity, resentment, and betrayal.
Betrayal is its own special kind of hell.
This can include hyper-vigilance, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and difficulty regulating emotions.
Can a relationship work after emotional cheating?
Its hard to come back from any kind ofinfidelity, emotional or otherwise.
Many times, emotional cheating is a symptom of unmet needs within the relationship, explains Giolitti-Wright.
Instead of addressing those feelings together, one person starts seeking emotional fulfillment elsewhere.
To initiate the repair of the relationship, the cheater must first be willing to admit their fault.
They have to show up emotionally.
The betrayed partner needs validation, not dismissal.
Only by identifying the root cause can the couple work on strengthening their connection, says Giolitti-Wright.
Thats not to say that it alwaysworks.
Sometimes, its best just to walk away from the relationship.
Some couples build something new, while others realize the break was too deep, says Shaw.
Either way, healing means choosing honesty over illusion, courage over avoidance, and authenticity over fear.
As Giolitti-Wright puts it: True intimacy comes from deepening the bond with your partner, not outsourcing it.
