You are the knife I turn inside myself; that is love.
In other dispatches, he grows more desperate: I miss you deeply, unfathomably, senselessly, terribly.
His lettersso overwrought, so earnestserves as a reminder that lovesickness can burn like a fever.
The idea of love-bombing is nothing new, of course. Movies and pop culture reinforce the idea of love as an all-consuming, obsessive, almost mysterious impulse.
Theyre also, at times, bizarre and unsettling.
In one, Kafka fantasizes about the world ending so he can meet his lover one last time.
Kafka had only met Milena twice.
Their fieryrelationshipwas scattered over five days and two cities, and then Kafka broke up with her.
In a modern context, Kafka might be accused oflove-bombingMilenaafter all, she was a woman he barely knew.
They have poor impulse control and no filter.
Were taught to be on the lookout for disingenuousness everywhere, parsing through text messages for deception.
I have another good friend who is frustratingly endearing, funny, and good-looking.
He has a charm that is impossible to mimic but quickly recognizable.
Naturally, hes constantly being accused of leading people on.
Ive been accused of love-bombing many times, he tells me.
I have another friend who feels cavalier aboutlove-bombing.
Shes in a happy, long-term relationship with someone she felt infatuated with instantly.
I have been love-bombed, obviously.
And, I have love-bombed, obviously.
She tells me love-bombing is common in queer female relationships.
In the lesbian community, I dont know if its called love-bombing.
Its just kind of an average dating experience.
She jokes that something is wrong if your partner has not said I love you by the third date.
On her second date with her partner, she bought them a TV.
Where did the concept of love-bombing come from?
The idea of love-bombing is nothing new, of course.
Movies and pop culture reinforce the idea of love as an all-consuming, obsessive, almost mysterious impulse.
InThe Great Gatsby, a man spends a lifetime social-climbing to be reunited with a one-month fling.
Are these stories we perceive as the pinnacle of tenderness actually examples of toxic and ill-advised infatuation?
But can we go a little deeperwhere does the modern term come from?
Love-bombing, as a phrase in the zeitgeist, is only a recent phenomenon.
Psychologists coined the term in the 1970s asa tactic used by cults to recruit new members.
Since then, the term has been used to identify recruitment strategies implemented by various charismatic leaders.
The term love-bombing has become a catch-all phrase for a partner who gives too much, too fast.
This is not to say love-bombing does not exist.
Why are so many people talking about love-bombing now?
The love they show you is proportional to the length of your relationship.
If the intention is control and manipulation, thats when it can feel confusing in our bodies.
Today, dating seems inundated with an aura of suspicion and paranoia.
Its also possible that the rise of the concept of self love has played into the rise of love-bombing.
Dorn notes that as self-love becomes a prevalent cultural value, rejection can feel malicious and intentional.
We’re told on social media that we’re all so amazing.
But rejection is normal.
Its part of life, says Dorn.
Rather than acknowledging, that was just hard.
It’s hard to feel rejected, Dorn says, we look for a culprit.
Overestimating someones affection can feel humiliating and disconcerting.
Is there a clinical understanding of love-bombing?
Dorn says that social media has contributed to a broadening definition and confusion about the meaning of love-bombing.
Terms like love bombing and gaslighting are often poorly defined on social media," she notes.
But heartbreak can be a useful experience where we learn about ourselves.
If I like someone, I am often quick to say itin both romantic relationships and friendships.
I have also met menas most of us havewho briefly convinced me that I held their universe together.
Of course, I came to find out I did not.
Its what made the romance compelling, the way I willingly allowed a stranger to destroy me.
They have likely had this dizzying effect on many peoplea symptom of undeniable charisma.
I tend to agree.
