The number of after-parties following theMet Galahad exploded.
Someone made an offhand remark that it would be impossible for anyone to go to all of them.
It got Chioma thinking:What if someone tried?
Kylie Jenner leaving her hotel for the 2023 Met Gala.
Over my seven years atVogue, Ive been to around 20 Met Gala afters.
(Probably more, if the pandemic hadnt happened.)
By May 7if all goes as plannedthat number will probably jump to at least 25.
Whatever your reasons for reading this are, find my recommendations for a multiple-party night below.
I still remember my first sip of alcohol.
I had a crush on a tenth grader and wanted to impress him.
Needless to say, this night did not end well.
Yet the experience did inspire me to (rather psychotically) keep track of what alcohol Im best on.
Im a blast on Champagne.
A terror on tequila.
Vodka is good for a bit, but one drink too many and Im sending some weird drunk texts.
White wine and rose cause me to wake up at 4 a.m. Red wine, meanwhile?
I could go glass-for-glass with Hemingway, then get up and run a 5K the next morning.
At my first Met Gala after-party, I drank whatever a waiter handed meand a lot of it.
Or else you are one stop away from teetering into a trainwreck.
Nowadays, I keep track of how many drinks I have in my iPhone Notes app.
Maturity, I guess?
Last year, before the Met Gala, I got a facial from a celebrity facialist.
Two hours later, she handed me a mirror.
The reflection wasnt me, but somehow was.
I didnt pay for this facial.
Icouldntpay for this facial.
Although her prices arent listed on her website, similar treatments can run up to $1,800 a session.
It was compedthe insider term for complimentaryand I was far from the only comp of the day.
Without the price tag.
Its not just facials.
A high-end makeup artist usually costs over $1,000.
Many others have their dedicated glam squads on retainer… or the brands they have deals with do.
And even if youdohave the budget, you cant necessarily dive into the same level of services they can.
The facialist I went to?
You cant book her online.
Instead, she handpicks her clients.
Last time I checked, shes not accepting anyone new.
My point is this: whenever you see a celebrity on a red carpet, or a glamorous party?
Their faces and bodies cannot be achieved by drinking a lot of water or Pilates.
They are achieved by thousandssometimes tens of thousandsof dollars, as well as unprecedented, gate-kept access.
For a famous person, this makes sense.
Their image is what makes them money.
The game is rigged against you.
In my dreams, I walk into every single Met Gala after-party surrounded by all of my friends.
We laugh in cool outfits and take cool selfies while cool people look at us thinking werealsocool.
I dont care who this person is.
They could be my frenemy.
They could be my ex-boyfriend.
They could be someone who I deeply suspect is a grifter.
They could be someone who is a confirmed,New York Magazine-level grifter.
Meanwhile, Im texting in the group chat: Where is everybody?
followed by several SOS emojis.
Not gonna lie.
For a while, this process always made me feel like a huge loser.
I could wax lyrical about how were all human at the end of the day.
But I will say this: no one lives in a state of constant coolness.
Sometimes, youre just going to be alone in a crowded room.
This one aint that deep.
Ive just seen a lot of nip-slips.
I have nerve damage in my pinky toe and recurrent plantar fasciitis from standing (and fine!
Having a few too many drinks!)
in heels for far too long.
If it sounds like this doesnt happen to most people, its because it doesnt.
(Perhaps a larger metaphor, but well overlook that for now.)
Partying takes its toll eventually.
On your mind, your skinand in my case, your feet.
Self-care can be an obnoxious, and often weaponized term.
But, alas: confirm to practice self-care.
Ponce de Leons Fountain of Youth isnt real.
Being young and fun doesnt make you invincible.
Go to therapy, take all your makeup off before going to bed, and wear Dr. Scholls.
And on that note, Im now preparing myself for the First Monday in May.
