When it comes todating, theres plenty to discussbad behavior,horror stories, thelistgoes on and on.
After all, first dates often come with a ton of nerves.
Our minds might spiral out of control:Will they like me?
Photo: Courtesy Everett Collection
What should I wear?
What if I make a total fool of myself?Weve all been there before.
To ease some of the mild panic before it occurs, its a good idea to go prepared.
With that in mind, we spoke to dating experts about what to talk about on a first date.
Read on to find out more.
or it was a gift from a loved one (now you might talk about family!).
Can I ask about this?
is always an ideal way in.
Watching him solemnly nod along, head lowered and eyes fixed, was incredibly endearing.
People want to feel seen and cared for by the date, she notes.
It can also help facilitate respectful touch and an opportunity to get closer.
Open-ended questions work because they cant be answered with a simple yes or a no.
Some classic examples are:What did that look like?
What was that like for you?
Taking it a step further, its also great to imbue open-ended questions with a sense of play.
Theyre the kinds of questions that make people smile.
Van Doran agrees: Date to create a fun experience, she advises.
Be playful and explore topics that make your date visibly more energetic and joyful.
To that end, you might also try gamified prompts, a laVogues73 Questionsseries.
It lends the conversation a cheeky, conspiratorial feel.
Ask your date about their perfect daybeginning to endif time and money were not obstacles.
Ask questions that activate and inspire the imagination, says Van Doran.
Let the liquor speak
Its no secret that many first dates take place in abar.
Take advantage of the setting and discuss drinking cultures.
Its a kill-two-birds-with-one-stone approach: you telegraph authentic curiosity to your date while also gaining free expertise.
Then hed be like Okay, so tell me, whats really on your mind right now?
and I just thought,Im literally telling you whats on my mind, and youre not listening.
Nerves can sometimes be to blame when it comes to rapid-fire questioning.
But asking questionseven follow-up questionsarent the only way to progress a conversation.
Lets say someones sharing how much they love cooking.
You could ask them what they like to cook.
Both options offer the opportunity for them to tell you moreand make them feel both understood and heard.
First date topics to avoid
First off, its important to keep it positive.
Dont go too deep onexes, family trauma, or politics, Van Doran advises.
Avoid negative talk about yourself or others.
Even if you are in agreement, it doesnt make for an emotionally uplifting experience.
A first date is for seeking the spark between you, not for airing out grievances.
Questions with an ulterior motive are also not a good move.
When a question is thinly veiled, most people arent fooled.
Asking such questions is fraudulent, she says.
If you’re looking for ahigh earner, own it.
But if youre trying to mask it as something else, thats disingenuous.
How to avoid awkward silences
Silencecan be powerful in bringing conversation to new territory.
Just keep in mind how much body language can communicate.
Silences dont have to be awkward.
you’re able to also acknowledge the weirdness.
Have a sense of humor about how first dates can be awkwardnobody is completely themselves, she notes.
All you gotta know after a first date is if you are open to seeing the person again.
But I would get to the end and feel like I just ran a freaking marathon.
Boodrams tip for ensuring equal participation?
I have a habit of doing that when Im interested in someone…
They should hopefully get the hint after that.
