When you like someone new, there is a clear set of next steps.
First, you test whether theyre single.
Then you google them to rule out any public scandals and/or criminal convictions.
Photo: Getty Images
Finally, its time to look them up on Instagram.
Lately, though, the best thing you’re able to find is nothing at all.
But bear with me.
As someone who relies on Instagram for work, I have a strange relationship with it.
Every heart and comment comes with the fizz of excitement and possibility: people like you.
Theyre interested in you.
Some of them might even want to fuck you.
The other part of me feels disgusted by the vanity of it all.
What message am I conveying?
How will it impact my personal brand?
Does it really mean anything, anyway?
If you have a private account you barely post to, its an immediate green flag.
Likewise a public account with two or three photos and an outdated bio about something that happened in 2015.
Better yet, theres no profile at all.
Its def a green flag (unless theyre hiding a wife), chimed a third.
Clearly, we spend a lot of time judging potential partners online presence, or lack thereof.
Otherwise its just too much for everyone involved.
There is a strange imbalance, though, in terms of how we view online women versus online men.
Its not really a turn-on or turn-off; Im just used to seeing women posting more stuff than men.
Roles reversed, though, the feelings can be a little stronger.
But too many in one day and Id find it a bit… ick.
This is despite the fact that, like me, this friend is very active on Instagram themselves.
These unfair perceptions ultimately boil down to stereotypes.
Traditional gender norms cast a long shadow, even in our digital interactions, says relationships therapist Lottie Passell-Syms.
Men are often expected to embody certain traitsstrength, productivity, and engagement with the real world.
Regardless of your gender, though, perhaps the most prescient factor at play in all this is trust.
Ive lost count of the number of times myself and friends have argued with exes over their Instagram usage.
One kept liking the posts of OnlyFans models, another was sending flirty DMs to their ex.
