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Theprenatal classdedicated to our mental health was one of the more memorable ones.
“Maternité” by Auguste Renoir (1885)
Nothing, though, was mentioned about the other end ofbreastfeeding.We were left to figure that out by ourselves.
I stopped feeding my son days before he turned 18 months old.
When a week passed with no symptoms, I thought Id got away with it.
Three days later, I started questioning why I was still alive.
Plenty of my friends had recently weaned their children.
Discussing the baby blues was part of postnatal life, but Id never heard anyone mention post-weaning depression.
When you stop breastfeeding, however, these hormones are no longer produced in the same quantities.
Meanwhile, estrogen levels increase, often sparking the (vicious) return of your menstrual cycle.
Some talk about feeling tired or irritable, very similar to feelings of PMS.
And that juggle is crucial.
Its also, like many aspects of the bodily processes involved in childrearing, nothing new.
Its only been recently that weve actually acknowledged that these feelings absolutely are grief, says Ruddle.
Breastfeeding is important to many people on a deep level they struggle to explain.
It can form part of our identity in early parenthood.
And then for it to not work?
It can leave an emptiness that we cant put into words.
But that recognition is still rarely enough.
Milli, who is based in West Sussex, stopped feeding her son when he was 10 weeks old.
I was very incapacitated in many ways, she says.
I was so heartbroken when it ended before I wanted it to.
I remember trying to explain that to [my partner], and he just could not get it.
It really felt as close to grieving as anything else Ive experienced.
When I mentioned that I had stopped feeding, the standard response seemed to be Well done!
Those two little words seemed deeply inadequate for the enormity of what my brain and body were going through.
I would say it was literally an overnight thing for me.
I have never felt worse about myself, ever.
I hated the way that I looked.
I thought everybody hated me as a person.
I was crying a lot without knowing what was wrong.
Before her son arrived, Fiona hadnt expected to breastfeed, and so hadnt read about it in advance.
It felt quite natural to stop; it was very much on our own terms.
Her mood changed about a week later.
It was only when a colleague asked if she had stopped feeding that she understood what was happening.
I started feeling constantly sick, she explains.
My mood was absolutely horrendous…
They tested my thyroid, but other than that they had no idea.
Anna says she started to feel better after three months, having sought advice from a homeopathic doctor.
I was looking in books to find similar experiences, and I really couldnt find anything.
Eva weaned her son, whom she bottle-fed after pumping milk, slowly after nine months.
But even the gradual reduction in milk supply didnt prevent a complicated web of emotions.
All these women, shared their understanding and sympathy.
Still, we can do more to make this change less punishingly silent.
Were really not very good at supporting mothers through changes in their childrens lives.
Its time we really valued how much our mothers do, she says.
The women I spoke to had different ways of coping.
Fiona practiced simple wellness exercises, such as getting outside and taking some fresh air.
One thing that really helped me has been taking selfies of myself and my children while they feed.
It feels slightly ridiculous at the time of taking them but documenting this act feels incredibly important.
I revel in them now and have hundreds to look back on.
Some people get a drop of milk turned into a pearl to wear on a necklace.
Some people write a series of letters to their baby, talking it all through.
So many of us are swimming, silently, in similar waters.
Imagine how much easier it would be if we didnt have to do it alone.
